The ability to share your life with someone else is one of the best aspects of a committed partnership.
You share a home, eat meals together, and frequently talk.
Your lives have completely merged.
These once-adorable things, however, can make leaving a long-term toxic relationship seem insurmountable.
Whether or not a long-term relationship is toxic, ending it is no laughing matter. Obviously, it’s difficult to tear yourself away from someone who has become so ingrained in your life. However, codependency, anxiety, fear, and low self-esteem are also present in unhealthy (or even abusive) relationships. It’s a bad combination.
For those of you in such a situation, I bet you’ve tried to leave a hundred times but just can’t seem to figure out how to let go or when. You might get sick just thinking about it and postpone the inevitable for a day (or year). Or perhaps you’ve persuaded yourself that everything will be okay or that your partner isn’t all that bad. However, this way of thinking only prolongs toxic relationships, which is not a good thing.
So how do you know when you’re actually ready to end a relationship like this? “Someone might realize they are finally ready to leave a relationship like this, when they have done some work on themselves, and have a better sense of self-esteem. They are aware of what they want and deserve, and when they begin to consider things in these terms, they realize it’s probably time to start moving on, according to Nicole Martinez, Psy.
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via email to Bustle, LCPC.
Here are some things you can do if you’re thinking about finally leaving. I’m crossing my fingers that you’ll soon be able to transition to a happier, healthier relationship.
No More Excuses.
First and foremost, you need to stop rationalizing your partner’s behavior, your own behavior, your decision to stay together, etc.
TheFrisky .
com advice columnist Wendy Atterberry claims that when you stop, you’ll be able to see the relationship more clearly. You’ll be able to see that you don’t want to continue to be a part of it once you’ve done that.
Exercise Some Ownership.
It’s time to move once it becomes clear that this situation is over completely. Consider the consequences of your decision. Determine what you want in a relationship and in life, advised Marcia Reynolds, Psy. D. on Psychology Today. Set a departure date if you are certain that you won’t find it in your current relationship. “.
Recall your former self.
At this point, you might feel a little torn (for the a hundredth time), as the impending thought of leaving makes you anxious. When that occurs, take a moment to daydream about your single life. It’s simple to forget that you used to be a self-sufficient individual who enjoyed life, as Atterberry put it. “Remember that life with all of its characters, settings, and possessions. And anticipate getting it all back.
Enhance Your Self-Esteem.
As you probably already know, toxic relationships are often the result of low self-esteem. According to Suzanna Lachmann, Psy, this could make you feel like you shouldn’t leave because you’re lucky to have anyone at all (even if they’re toxic).
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, according to Psychology Today. Start putting yourself forward because you know in your heart that’s not the case. Recognize that you are not only awesome on your own, but also awesome enough to attract a much better relationship if you would just give yourself the chance.
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Share This Information With Your Partner.
So you’ve been working on yourself and have made the decision to go. You should tell your SO right away. Reynolds advised choosing a private area where you and your partner could discuss your choice. In case the response is hostile or manipulative, be ready to maintain your composure. Yes, it will be unpleasant, but it must be carried out.
Discuss Logistics.
Talking logistics is essential because unraveling your lives may be challenging. “If you’ve been living together, decide who is leaving when. These are difficult conversations to have, but the more transparent you can be, the easier the breakup will be for both of you, according to columnist Sarah Abdell on The Telegraph. If you have any joint possessions, how will you split them? Will there be any contact?
Locate a location to visit.
It will be much more difficult to decide where to go after the breakup if you guys live together. A lack of knowledge can make the process much scarier than it needs to be, so decide early on whether you’ll move back in with your parents or rent an apartment alone. It will be much simpler to leave once you have a new place to go.
Set some boundaries.
You’ll need to establish some boundaries in order to prevent undoing all of your accomplishments thus far. Reynolds said, “You don’t have to do it again if you’ve already explained your reasons for leaving. Decide that the conversations, phone calls, and any other contacts you’ve deemed unimportant are over. The only real way to move on is to turn it off.
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Expect To Feel Sad.
You probably won’t feel any better right away, but you’ll move on and recover quickly.
There’s a good chance you won’t experience any more drama, but there’s also a good chance you won’t feel happy for several days, weeks, or months. Prepare for this and avoid letting it hinder your development. Give yourself time to experience all the emotions. Soon enough, they’ll go away, and you’ll be glad you persisted.
Ensure your own wellbeing.
I bet you haven’t taken care of yourself well in years if your relationship was truly toxic. If I’m correct, then the time has come to repair all of that harm. Get outside and go for a jog or brisk walk. Feed your body and nourish your soul with enjoyable activities. And, as the saying goes, “fake it until you make it.” said Atterberry. You’ll feel as good as new in no time.
Talk to them not.
Here’s a friendly reminder: don’t communicate with your ex. Cool if you can maintain a friendship with your ex. But most of the time, staying in touch will only make the situation worse. Remove any evidence of them if that appears to be the case, including their phone number, photos, and old t-shirt. Moving forward will be a lot simpler if you do this.
Maintain Your Knowledge.
In that they make you feel like a waste of time, toxic relationships stink. And they certainly are in the majority of ways. Thus, keeping in mind the lessons you took away from everything can be beneficial as you’re accepting that and moving on. Inquire about what you have learned from the experience, as Reynolds put it. To make it easier for you to refer to your answers later, write them down. You had a good reason for leaving. Verify that it shapes your next relationship rather than derailing it. “.
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Break Free From Abusive Relationships.
Let’s discuss the worst case scenario — abusive relationships — to wrap this up. With leaving being one of the biggest problems, being in one is undoubtedly difficult in many ways. But doing so is still a possibility and a necessity. If the relationship is abusive, leave as soon as it is safe to do so, advises Martinez, and don’t turn around.
That’s all there is to it, simple or not.
Always keep in mind that there are resources available to you as you go through this process, whether they be a close friend, a therapist, or a women’s group. Any degree of toxic relationships is not enjoyable or healthy. The faster you can move on, the faster you’ll feel better. And that makes the effort completely worthwhile.
