Since every couple is so unique, nothing is 100% certain, but there are a few things that are more likely to end your long-term relationship than others. Even the healthiest couple can fall apart if they don’t know what to look out for or how to avoid a problem. Therefore, the more you are aware of these fight-starting, LTR-destroying issues, the better.
Fortunately, a lot of research is being done to determine what is most likely to break up a couple. There are also many experts who observe the same issues recur repeatedly with negative outcomes. Let’s first discuss the factors that can maintain a long-term relationship’s health before moving on to those.
Flexibility, according to relationship expert Rhonda Milrad, LMSW, is “the secret to a long-lasting relationship.”. Two people who come together as a unit in a relationship while retaining some of their individuality are said to be the foundation of it. Although distinct, they work together. Each person can develop and the relationship can change to accommodate these changes when it is strong and dynamic. “.
Problems can develop whenever there is an inflexibility, especially if it is not discussed. Additionally, a long-term relationship may sadly come to an end. Here are some issues and behaviors that experts say are most likely to cause your long-term relationship to fail.
- Deficiencies in Goals.
You and your partner don’t have to have the same objectives, but it is crucial that you are moving in the same general direction. Because if you’re not, conflicts will develop and break out. It can be challenging to find a compromise when two people have such divergent life goals, according to Milrad. It’s frequently a recipe for disaster unless you’re both wholly committed to finding a middle ground.
Infidelity.
If both of you are willing to put in the effort, you can move past the cheating incident. But more often than not, it will end a committed relationship. According to Milrad, “Betrayal tears at the core of a relationship, making it difficult for a couple to recover trust.”. Many couples lack the fortitude and patience necessary to navigate the stages of healing (which include phases of hurt, anger, suspicion, reassurance, etc.). ) in an effort to mend the connection. “.
Incompatibility on a sexual level.
You can both work to maintain the spark in your relationship by making improvements to your sexual life. However, there are times when there is simply no way to overcome a lack of sexual compatibility, which is typically brought on by different sex drives. According to licensed counselor Jonathan Bennett, it can be challenging for couples to remain committed to one another over the long term. If partners can’t agree on the frequency and type of sexual expression, one or both of them may easily become frustrated and unfulfilled. “.
Family problems that have not been resolved.
Even though your relationship is between you and your partner, external factors can make things more challenging. like problems in the family. According to April Masini, a relationship expert, “there is never a solid base from which to tackle normal problems when you bring unhealthy relationships with your parents and children — or your partner brings them — into a new relationship.”. It’s worth the extra time and effort to get your relationships with your parents and your children healthy — and to choose someone who’s done the same. It’s a long, miserable road to ruin. “.
- Low sense of self-worth.
Your relationship won’t end because of low self-esteem. But its negative effects could. In a long-term relationship, it can be challenging to maintain low self-esteem and control issues, according to Masini. “People with low self-esteem experience jealousy and insecurity, and they use control to try and control these emotions. Living with someone like this is very difficult. Which is why things frequently come to an end.
an absence of intimacy.
Over time, it can really hurt if you two aren’t being intimate in every sense of the word. “Intimacy is a physical and emotional experience. Relationship counselor and dating expert Samantha Burns, M.A, describes it as a feeling of intimacy, connection, and comfort that comes from knowing each other well. LMHC tells Bustle. “Intimacy gives you the impression that your partner values your company and cares about your emotional health. One of you or both won’t want to stay here without that.
Ignoring one another.
Even though it’s impossible to be perfect, neither of you should develop the habit of ignoring the other — even over the smallest issues. According to the research of [relationship expert] Dr. John Gottman, ignoring or averting your gaze from your partner when they request your attention can be detrimental to the health of your marriage, Burns claims. If your partner inquires about your dinner preferences and you ignore them outright, or if you ask them to watch a funny cat video and they respond, “Be quiet, I’m busy,” it feels like a micro-rejection that, over time, can strain your relationship and leave you feeling lonely. “.
- Arguments that are ineffective.
In your relationship, disagreements will inevitably arise. Also acceptable. Couples that are unable to handle them effectively are the only ones who separate. According to John Gottman’s more than four decades of research, “the number one way that will end your relationship is how you handle conflict,” says relationship therapist, author, and speaker Sarah Madras to Bustle. It has been demonstrated that behaviors like shutting each other out or calling each other derogatory names during arguments only serve to exacerbate the situation.
- an absence of faith.
One of the most effective ways to undermine trust in a relationship is to cheat. However, it’s not the only approach. Madras asserts that “it’s all the little moments in relationships.”. “Trust is the substance that holds relationships together, according to research on Brené Brown’s BRAVING Model. Boundaries, Reliability, Accountability, Vault, Integrity, Non-Judgement, and Generosity are some of the traits that make someone trustworthy. Your relationship may suffer if you or your SO lack these characteristics. - unhealthy borders.
Yes, you are a couple. But that doesn’t mean you should or can do everything together. Things are more likely to fall apart if you don’t, for example, establish healthy boundaries or spend time by yourself. Madras observes that such couples frequently become shocked, hurt, and offended when their partner crosses one of their boundaries because they are oblivious to their own. By establishing these early on, you can avoid resentment and maintain alignment between the two of you.
