A healthy communication style between you and your partner is essentially necessary if you want your relationship to last for a long time. It can be challenging to get on the same page because everyone communicates differently, but poor communication in a relationship can have serious negative effects.
A relationship’s ability to survive difficult times depends on how couples communicate with one another during disagreements. If you and your partner become mired in a cycle of poor communication, your relationship may not be able to withstand the inevitable hardships.
According to Toni Coleman, a psychotherapist, relationship coach, and divorce mediator, “these are signs your relationship will not work out if you don’t feel listened to, respected for your thoughts/opinions, even when you disagree, and comfortable speaking your mind.”. If you and your partner are genuinely motivated to improve your relationship’s communication, you can address any issues that arise from difficulties in both expressing your feelings and understanding what your partner is saying. “.
What Manifests as Effective Communication?
Every couple will have their own communication style based on what works best for them, but even though communication may look different from couple to couple, there are still some fundamental principles of good communication that all healthy couples share. According to licensed and nationally certified mental health therapist Tamara Hill, “healthy communication in a relationship includes equal expression of values, needs, wants, and desires.”. “It also includes boundaries and honesty. Relationships are prone to disintegrate without these things. “.
Even if things seem simple and straightforward in the beginning of the relationship, bad communication habits may develop later on, so it’s important to pay attention to how your partner communicates in both happy and unhappy circumstances. “There is a strong likelihood that the individual will fall back into their comfortable patterns of communication once novelty and the romantic phase of the relationship wears off,” says Hill. “The likelihood of this person improving their communication skills is slim if their “comfortable pattern of communication” involves giving you the silent treatment, acting passive-aggressively, ignoring you, downplaying events, projecting their feelings onto you, or denying events. “.
What Indicates Inadequate Communication In A Relationship?
It’s always possible that all you need to do is sit down and have a serious discussion with your partner to agree on how you both communicate and handle conflicts. There’s no reason to believe your relationship is doomed as long as both of you are willing to work on developing healthy communication (both separately and together). However, it becomes risky for the future of your relationship if there is a lack of communication that either you or your partner is unwilling to work on. Ten communication patterns that may indicate your relationship won’t last a long time are listed below.
1.
They only communicate via text messages.
There is nothing wrong with having a “textual” relationship with the person you’re dating, but a partner who is hesitant (or outright refuses) to call you on the phone — whether it’s to confirm your dinner plans or just to check in on you — may only be willing to put forth the bare minimum. In other words, if your significant other insists on text-only conversations, it’s time for a check-in.
Relationship expert Lori Bizzoco tells Bustle that if your partner relies heavily on texting and avoids phone calls or even face-to-face communication, this could be a warning sign. “Texting can be done quickly, easily, and with minimal effort. Not to mention, texting can be a quick way out of not having to respond right away. They might be trying to avoid you by doing this. “.
2.
They Mislead You.
Building trust with your partner is necessary for a healthy relationship, but it can be challenging if you notice that your partner has a pattern of lying, no matter how small the lie.
Any time your partner is not truthful with you, according to Bizzoco, is a warning sign. “Even if it’s just a little white lie, it might be a sign that they aren’t always honest with you. You might then start to wonder what else they might in the future be lying about as a result. “.
3.
They Refuse to Discuss Issues in the Open.
Couples must be able to discuss their feelings and concerns openly and feel at ease asking for what they need in order for their relationship to withstand all the challenges and issues that may arise. It may be a sign that your partner isn’t the best long-term choice for you if they aren’t being honest with you or if you feel unable to be open with them.
According to Bizzoco, “if you feel like your partner isn’t being honest with you, it could predict the challenge of resolving disagreements with one another.”. “It’s inevitable that relationships will experience issues and arguments. But being unable to communicate honestly in order to resolve problems will prevent you and your partner from becoming close and understanding one another. “.
4.
They often interrupt you.
Couples should be able to have conversations where both partners are given the chance to speak their thoughts and be heard, and it’s a red flag if you’re constantly being interrupted if you’re trying to have a conversation with someone who keeps stopping you mid-sentence.
The need for their partner to be heard is essentially minimized when someone interrupts, according to Coleman. “Over time, the fact that couples frequently bring up a problem in counseling is a major turn-off. “.
5.
They treat you in silence.
Giving someone the silent treatment is never acceptable, even if you occasionally need some distance from your partner.
Family and relationship psychotherapist Dr. Fran Walfish tells Bustle that it is “a red flag” if your partner disappears and punishes you with silence. This passive-aggressive behavior is hostile and causes pain and irritability for the receiving partner. “.
6.
When arguing, they become defensive.
It can be challenging to communicate without becoming defensive during a heated argument, but this type of “communication” is unhealthy and will only exacerbate the issue rather than resolve it.
According to Coleman, “This kind of situation degenerates into shouting matches, hurtful words being thrown at one another, accusations that are off-base, and silence. Intimacy will be destroyed and good will eroded if this keeps happening. “.
