It can occasionally be challenging to determine if you are completely open to receiving love, regardless of whether you are in a committed relationship or are still looking for the special person you want to share your life with.
Perhaps you constantly reject potential partners or find it difficult to believe that your long-term partner truly cares about you. Experts say that regardless of your situation, a few subtle signs can help you determine whether you are truly open or if you still need to put in some effort to reach that state.
Take some time to reflect on yourself if you do come to the realization that you are not as open to love as you would like to be. As a sex therapist, lead therapist, and owner of A New Creation Psychotherapy Services, Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett advises Bustle, “Determine what you want and what you need in a relationship.”. The majority of us, she claims, are unable to identify our desires and needs, and as a result, we frequently find ourselves in circumstances in which we are denied what we need or deserve. “We have to show others how to treat us. This may imply that you can assist your partner in choosing specific ways to express their love for you, such as writing romantic notes, cuddling, or spending quality time together.
According to experts, there are a few indications that you aren’t completely open to receiving love.
You Don’t Want To Make Compromises.
It’s not unusual to have some criteria that are a deal-breaker when looking for a partner. Maybe you’re not sure if you want to date someone who holds a certain political view or who has certain values in a relationship. However, Cooper-Lovett cautions that refusing to make concessions over minor disagreements may indicate that you aren’t completely ready to accept love.
Although you should be able to make your own decisions in a healthy relationship, being in a committed relationship may require you to accept your partner’s whistling habit or agree not to store peanut products in the home if they have a severe allergy.
You only engage in casual dating.
According to Cooper-Lovett, you probably aren’t completely open to receiving romantic love if you find yourself attracted to people who are only looking for a quick hookup and nothing more serious. Of course, it’s totally fine if you don’t want a committed relationship, but if you do, dating people who prefer to keep things discreetly won’t likely result in the kind of love you’re looking for.
This process “might be conscious or unconscious,” she adds. If this sounds familiar to you, pause for a moment and consider whether you’re hoping to find love from individuals who are adamant that this is not what they’re seeking. If so, think about being more honest with potential partners about what you want to avoid being let down.
You’re afraid that things won’t work out.
Romantic love may be viewed as a gift from your partner. But even if they truly and deeply want to love you, you probably won’t feel that love if you are constantly concerned that the relationship will end.
If you’re not in a good place inside of yourself, Cooper-Lovett claims that it is challenging to experience romantic love. The assumption that love would make things worse as if it would not work out caused you to frequently reject things that could possibly make you happy, she claims. There is always a chance that your relationship won’t last forever, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t accept love while you are still together.
Your lack of self-love is a priority.
You might think that self-love and romantic love are entirely unrelated concepts, but in reality, they are more closely related than you might realize. How can you receive love from someone else if you do not love yourself, Cooper-Lovett asks. Before letting someone else show and give you love, you need to be working on loving and developing a relationship with yourself. “.
If you don’t feel capable of receiving love from a partner, take some time to consider your self-image. If you’re battling self-doubt, are you setting aside time each week to take care of yourself?Perhaps for you, this entails taking the time to make your favorite pastry recipe from scratch or working on a creative project that truly fulfills you.
You demand perfection from your partner.
According to Dr. Fran Walfish, Psy., “Perfectionism in the dating search process can be a sign that you’re not completely open to receiving romantic love.”. D. The Self-Aware Parent author, relationship columnist, and family and relationship psychotherapist tells Bustle.
Since there is no such thing as a perfect partner, if you’ve been in multiple relationships, you probably know this already. If you want to be receptive to receiving love, you’ll need to be ok with little eccentricities that you might not particularly like. Consider spending some time thinking about the characteristics you value most in a partner. This can help you let go of some of the things that won’t matter in the long run and refocus on the relationship aspects that are truly important to you.
You Don’t Allow Yourself to Process Breakups.
It can be fairly easy to switch partners if you’re just casually dating. However, Walfish warns that rushing through one relationship before moving on to the next can prevent you from fully accepting love if you are in committed relationships with other people. Even if you were the one to decide to end the relationship, she says it’s important to give yourself the space to experience your own feelings of loss and grief. This can prevent you from numbing your unpleasant feelings, which could also numb positive feelings, such as love, from potential romantic partners.
You are still struggling with your ex.
Having unresolved feelings for your ex can really prevent you from being fully open to receiving love from your current partner, speaking of previous breakups. It can be difficult to let go of someone you were so deeply connected with, even in situations where you were the one who made the decision to end a relationship.
According to Walfish, “Some [people] are afraid of getting out there again so they keep their former relationship alive as a way to stay involved and not feel single again.”. But if you really want to be able to accept your current partner’s love, you need to get over any negative feelings you may still harbor toward a former partner. That doesn’t mean you have to forget about them entirely, but it does mean you have to keep in mind that they are a part of your past and not someone who needs a lot of room in your heart right now.
You Have a Hard Time Accepting Praise.
One unexpected sign that you’re having trouble accepting love fully is that you find it difficult to accept compliments. Perhaps, instead of merely saying “thank you,” your natural reaction is to disagree with your partner whenever they try to compliment you on your intelligence or kindness. “.
According to John Kenny, a relationship coach who specializes in toxic relationships, “to do this means you need to connect positively to someone and open yourself up to something you aren’t comfortable with.”. The next time your partner compliments you on your enthusiasm for a cause or your hilarious joke-telling abilities, try to internalize the praise rather than brush it off.
No matter what is preventing you from fully accepting love, keep in mind that you are deserving of a partner’s love. If you first love yourself, receiving romantic love will be easier for you.
