It’s common to discuss your relationship with your friends. Everybody occasionally needs some guidance. Experts, however, contend that some matters are best kept private between a couple. Knowing which topics to steer clear of can help maintain a strong relationship if you enjoy venting.
To be fair, sharing is perfectly acceptable.
Venting about your relationship can be healthy for you when you just need to let things out. But if you regularly do it, Tammy Shaklee, president of LGBTQ matchmaking agency H4M Matchmaking, tells Bustle, it could mean one very significant thing.
According to Shaklee, “it might be a sign you’re not really compatible in the end.”. You better get your communication styles, behaviors, needs, and timing down so that you can handle big and small topics together because life will throw a lot at you. If you find yourself polling your parent, sibling, or best friend, it’s possible that you aren’t focusing enough on the relationship that matters most to you: your partnership. “.
While it’s fine to get advice from others on some matters, there are some things that you really need to work out with your partner. Following are some topics that, in the opinion of experts, should only be discussed with your partner.
Legal or monetary problems.
The majority of people desire stability and security in their financial lives. One of the factors that can lead to a couple separating is financial difficulties. But things happen in life. Each couple will experience some financial ups and downs. It’s important to keep your financial situation private if things aren’t going well.
A mutually transparent prioritization with your partner can help you move forward, according to Shaklee. “Time spent airing your financial frustrations with outside sources doesn’t help you get ahead,” she adds.
So, address the problems collectively.
Share your progress on your objectives with one another, and identify any issues.
Anything relating to sexuality.
Sexuality is a very private matter. Your sexual life should be kept private unless you and your partner are both comfortable discussing it with others, from performance-related issues to all the sexy details.
While it’s wonderful to see a couple who obviously adores one another, Annie Hsueh, Ph. D. says to Bustle that she is a licensed clinical psychologist with a focus on couple and relationship therapy. This doesn’t necessarily refer to specifics about your physical intimacy. “.
For instance, not everyone enjoys seeing others show their affection in public. While your partner might not mind you calling them a “cutesy” nickname in front of others, they might feel uncomfortable with it. If so, it’s crucial to respect that.
Your Battles.
In the long run, relationships may not benefit from turning to your friends every time you disagree or fight with your partner, says board-certified neurotherapist Catherine Jackson, a licensed clinical psychologist with a focus on relationships, to Bustle.
It may feel really good to vent right now. However, it does give the person you’re venting to a bad impression of your partner. If you love them and want to be with them for a long time, probably not, but do you really want your friend to think that your partner stinks and that you should move on to someone better?
Opinions are difficult to alter, according to Jackson. When sharing negative information about your partner, use discretion. “.
a family issue.
According to Kathy Nickerson, Ph., “you want to keep anything that’s embarrassing or extremely private between you and your partner only.”.
D.
, a relationship expert and therapist, tells Bustle. If sharing the information with a friend would make your partner blush or scream, it should remain private. “.
Anything your partner divulges to you about their family should remain private, especially if it involves a secret. Do not forget that it is not your family. Your partner might have confided in you about their family because they needed to vent. In that circumstance, your only real option is to simply listen to them.
The uncertainties of your partner.
The golden rule should be applied in this situation, advises Latimer.
“That can give you the perspective you may need.
What are the things that would really upset you if you found out your partner was talking about them with others? “.
Avoid bringing up your partner’s insecurities in front of others if you are aware of them. Asking for advice on how to handle your partner’s insecurities may have been done with the best of intentions. The last thing they want, however, is to hear you talking about their private concerns and thoughts. Latimer advises against discussing topics that are extremely private or intimate in a relationship.
Things About Your Partner That You Dislike.
You won’t like everything your partner does or says, it’s a fact. Things that annoy you occasionally are inevitable. While venting your annoyances to others is acceptable, it is not acceptable to do so without first discussing your concerns with your partner. If your partner learns that you have been talking about them behind their back, the last thing you want is for their feelings to be hurt.
According to Kelsey M. Latimer, Ph., “That could result in a feeling of betrayal or being the subject of rumors.”.
D.
, says CEDS-S, a psychologist with a focus on relationships and the creator of Hello Goodlife, to Bustle.
By bringing up your partner’s annoying habits, you’re also giving your friends a chance to criticize them and form unfavorable opinions.
Future relationship objectives that you have.
You should, for as long as you can, try to keep your future plans, aspirations, and anticipations for the relationship to yourself.
Many couples keep their child-bearing intentions a secret, at least until it is certain that they will succeed, according to Hsueh. Things that you hope will happen but may not materialize are included in this, not just kids. “.
There are no strict guidelines regarding when to reveal your future plans. You ought to be fine as long as you and your partner are on the same page. Here, communication is essential.
Absolutely nothing is wrong with asking friends and family for advice. You should definitely speak up if you have any concerns for your safety. If it’s not, just keep in mind that the people who are closest to you will base their opinions on what you say. It’s critical to be constantly aware of your language if you love your partner and want your relationship to last.
