When it comes to relationships, especially in the beginning, the universe sends us conflicting messages. It seems that as difficult as it is to find a partner, it’s even harder to mess things up and lose them. Should we embrace total awkward honesty about our true selves, or put our best selves forward? Should we have lots of sex or hold out? Should we spend all our time together or not be too available? So what are the biggest errors that people make in relationships?
Conflicts in relationships are common and do not portend doom. According to Dr. Jess, the resident sexologist at Astroglide, trying to avoid them can be problematic.
While you don’t have to fight or argue over every single aspect of your relationship, doing so can help prevent further conflict and resentment by focusing on the bigger picture issues. It’s not a sign that your relationship is in trouble if you fight. Despite the brief discomfort brought on by fighting, Dr. Jess asserts that it may actually be a sign of your willingness to work on the relationship. Remember: How you argue and handle issues as they arise is more important than whether or not you agree.
- being overly reliant.
According to Sameera Sullivan, CEO and Lead Certified Matchmaker at Lasting Connections, this is the biggest turn-off for both men and women: having few friends and expecting your significant other to be glued to you 24 hours a day. “I know a really attractive guy. He is gorgeous, wise, modest, incredibly sweet, and devoted. He is clingy, has few friends, and on top of that, he smothers the girls he is with so they end up running away and he ends up hurt every single time! He can never keep a girl, says Sullivan.
It’s healthy to give each other space and to have friends you can hang out with in addition to your partner. If you want to keep a healthy balance in your life, you should be able to do things separately from your partner. Simply take my word for it.
- Speaking too much about your past.
According to Sullivan, since you are currently in a new relationship, you should stop discussing your previous relationships and never disparage an ex. Your significant other will always think, “Wow, I wonder what she’ll say about me if we break up. It makes you appear extremely negative and may give your new partner the wrong impression if you complain about an ex to them. Avoid that at all costs.
- Lack of trust.
A relationship can be severely harmed by envy. In a relationship, you should have faith in your partner. Sullivan advises not interfering with your partner’s social interactions with friends. In addition, many people make the error of becoming envious of their partner’s friends who are of the other sex, which is unnecessary. - Absence of appreciation.
In a relationship, Sullivan asserts that this is the most crucial factor. Be grateful for the small gestures your partner makes. Respect one another constantly. A relationship can really be destroyed by a lack of appreciation, and appreciation and good communication go hand in hand. A relationship may suffer if you don’t express your gratitude to your partner or how much you love and value them. In a relationship, it’s crucial to have both open lines of communication and appreciation.
- Lack of playful spirit.
According to Sullivan, being playful is crucial in a relationship. You can have a lasting relationship if you can make each other laugh, play with each other, and just be two peas in a pod. But the relationship will end in an instant if you stop having fun, being playful, and making jokes. - Unable to hear.
According to psychotherapist Wendy Brown, who practices in Toronto, doing exactly what you’ve been advised against doing is probably the single most effective way to end a romantic relationship. “Let’s say your partner said something that he or she cannot stand. Anything from leaving the refrigerator door open for an extended period of time to browsing the web for no particular reason could be the topic. Do that, and when he or she blows up, act as if you were totally unaware of it, advises Brown.
According to Brown, this also entails disregarding unwritten guidelines that are important to your lover. Although he/she may not have explicitly told you not to check his/her text messages or reorganize the fridge, you both are fully aware that you should refrain from doing these things. Unexpectedly perform one of them without remorse or justification. Simply carry it out, then make a defiant display of it.
Lack of Time Commitment.
According to Ben Michaelis, PhD, a clinical psychologist and the author of Your Next Big Thing: 10 Small Steps to Get Moving and Get Happy, you should maintain your own friendships and interests, but failing to spend enough time with your partner can seriously harm a relationship. Your chances of strengthening your bonds and having more chances to get to know each other better increase as you spend more time together. If you don’t make time for your partner, you run the risk of your relationship deteriorating.
Relationships are straightforward to enter, but they can be challenging to keep up, especially after the initial luster fades. They need attention and work, even when you don’t think they do. According to research, we often take our closest relationships for granted when times are good and only pay attention to how much work they require when things are really bad. Don’t wait until it’s too late, warns Michaelis.
