It’s common to discuss your relationship with your friends. Everyone occasionally needs some guidance. But experts say that there are some matters that should only be discussed with your partner. Knowing what subjects to steer clear of can help maintain a strong relationship if you enjoy venting.
Fair enough, sharing is a perfectly acceptable practice. Venting about your relationship can be healthy for you when you just need to let things out. However, if it becomes a habit, it can mean one very important thing, according to Tammy Shaklee, president of H4M Matchmaking and a well-known LGBTQ matchmaker.
It might indicate that you two aren’t compatible in the end, Shaklee says. You better get your communication styles, behaviors, needs, and timing down so that you and your partner can handle both big and small issues that life will throw at you. If you find yourself polling your parent, sibling, or best friend, you might not be focusing enough on the relationship that matters most to you: your relationship with your partner. “.
There are some things you really need to work out with your partner, even though it’s acceptable to seek advice from others on some matters. So, experts say that there are certain things that should only be shared between you and your partner.
Issues With Money Or The Law.
Generally speaking, everyone wants to feel secure and stable financially. It’s one of the reasons why monetary issues can lead to a couple’s breakup. But things happen. There will be financial ups and downs for every couple. Keep your financial struggles to yourself if they aren’t good news to share with others.
According to Shaklee, prioritizing your time with your partner in a way that is both honest and open will help you move forward rather than spending time venting your financial frustrations to others.
So, resolve the problems jointly. Discuss your progress toward your objectives with one another and identify any problems.
Anything relating to sexuality.
Sexuality is a very private matter. Your sexual life should be kept private unless you and your partner are both comfortable discussing it with others, from performance-related concerns to all the sexy details.
Although it’s wonderful to see a couple who obviously adores one another, Annie Hsueh, Ph.D. advises keeping private details about intimate relationships. D. , a clinical psychologist with a license who specializes in couple and relationship therapy, tells Bustle. This doesn’t always refer to specifics about your physical intimacy. “.
For instance, not everyone enjoys seeing others show their affection in public. Your partner might not mind if you call them a “cutesy” nickname in front of others, but they might object if you do so. Respect is necessary if that is the case.
Fights you have.
According to Catherine Jackson, a licensed clinical psychologist with expertise in relationships and a board-certified neurotherapist, “while it may seem like a good idea to run to your friends every time you have a disagreement or fight with your partner, this may not be good for relationships in the long run.”.
It might feel really good to vent right now. But it does give the person you’re venting to a bad impression of your partner. If you love your partner and want a long-term relationship with them, you probably don’t want your friend to think that they are a lousy partner and that you should find someone better.
Opinions are difficult to alter, according to Jackson. “Be cautious about sharing any negative information about your partner. “.
a family issue.
According to Kathy Nickerson, Ph., you should only discuss embarrassing or extremely private matters with your partner. D. , a therapist and relationship expert, tells Bustle. If sharing the information with a friend would make your partner blush or scream, it should remain private. “.
Anything your partner divulges to you about their family should remain private, especially if it involves a secret. Just keep in mind that it’s not your family. Perhaps your partner confided in you about their family because they felt the need to vent. In that circumstance, all you can really do is listen to them.
The uncertainties of your partner.
The golden rule should be applied in this situation, advises Latimer. “That can give you the perspective you may need. What are the things that would really upset you if you found out your partner was talking about them with others? “.
Do not discuss your partner’s insecurities with others if you are aware of them. When you seek advice on how to handle your partner’s insecurities, you may have the best of intentions. However, the last thing they want to hear is you talking about their private concerns and thoughts. Latimer advises not talking about highly personal or intimate issues in your relationship.
Things Your Partner Does That You Don’t Like.
You won’t like everything your partner does, it’s a fact. There will occasionally be things that annoy you. While venting your irritability to others is acceptable, it is not acceptable if your partner hasn’t been told how you feel. If your partner learns that you have been talking about them behind their back, the last thing you want is for their feelings to be hurt.
According to Kelsey M. Latimer, Ph., “That could result in a feeling of betrayal or being the subject of rumors.”. D. , says CEDS-S, the creator of Hello Goodlife and a psychologist with a focus on romantic relationships.
By bringing up your partner’s annoying habits, you’re also giving your friends a chance to criticize them and form unfavorable opinions.
Future relationship objectives that you have.
You should, for as long as you can, try to keep your future plans, aspirations, and anticipations for the relationship to yourself.
Many couples keep their infertility plans a secret, at least until they are certain they will succeed, according to Hsueh. Not just children, but also things you hope will happen but may not materialize, are included in this. “.
When to make public your future plans is something that is not predetermined. You ought to be fine as long as you and your partner are on the same page. Here, communication is crucial.
There is nothing wrong with asking friends and family for advice. You must definitely speak up if your safety is in doubt. If it’s not, just keep in mind that the people who are closest to you will base their opinions on what you say. It’s critical to be constantly aware of your language if you love your partner and want your relationship to last.
