You’ve been seeing your significant other for a while, and now you’ve mustered up the courage to say those three magic words. Even though it only consists of three words and eight letters, the first time you say “I love you” is a significant event. It can be terrifying to express your feelings because you never know if they will be met with a similar response. If you tell someone you love them and they don’t respond, what should you do? According to experts, even though it might seem like the worst possible scenario at the time, you shouldn’t be concerned.
Clinical psychologist and author Dr. Carla Marie Manly tells Bustle that it can be very frightening to take the risk of saying “I love you.”. In fact, when (and if) the other person is falling in love at the same pace, many new couples engage in an unconscious game of ‘feeling it out. “.
Dr. Manly suggests carrying out a few actions if you’re not yet ready to declare your love for someone.
Find out what you’re really feeling first.
According to Dr. Manly, it’s simple to mistake the excitement of dating for love in the early stages of a relationship. Your declaration of “I love you” will not be sincere if you confuse lust with love. Instead, it’s most likely the result of insecurity, and your partner might not respond favorably to the circumstance.
But if you’re genuinely in love and want to express it, go ahead. And here are some things experts advise doing if you find yourself in a situation where you’re saying “I love you” to your partner but not getting a response.
It’s simple to get upset with yourself when someone rejects your love declaration after you’ve told them you do. You’re only human, though, says Victoria Elf Raymond, PhD, a licensed psychotherapist, in an interview with Bustle. “Of course it feels much better for your partner to reciprocate, but just because you didn’t get the response you wanted, doesn’t mean you were wrong for expressing yourself,” she says. Instead, take pride in the fact that you finally had the courage to say it; not everyone is as brave as you. Furthermore, it’s preferable to having to consider every “What if?”.
Ieshai Bailey, a licensed therapist, advises against getting angry at them if they refuse to reciprocate your feelings, according to CMHC. Even though it’s common to press the issue or challenge their answer, doing so might put your partner on the defensive. Bailey said that it was crucial to remain composed. Be careful not to react or assume. Also keep in mind that if they don’t respond right away, it’s not necessarily a bad sign.
Your partner might not have an answer ready, according to relationship and communication expert Chloe Ballatore. “It is completely normal for one person to declare their love for another before receiving a response. That occurs in my practice about 50% of the time. “.
Even though it’s nice to get a response when you say “I love you,” it should never be taken for granted when you’re telling someone for the first time. We are all very different in terms of how and when we demonstrate our love, as Dr. Raymond observes. “.
Due to past experiences, your partner might be more wary of falling in love with you, or they might simply feel more at ease telling you how they feel. According to Courtney Boyer, a relationship expert, “People who have been hurt by serious relationships may be more hesitant to allow themselves to experience love and verbally acknowledge it (i.
e.
(exclaming loudly, ‘I love you,’)” she says. “You might be less likely to declare your love out loud when your partner does if you didn’t hear the phrase “I love you” often or at all growing up. Whatever the reason, give them some time to consider the circumstances.
Sometimes words just flow out of you without your intention. Relationship expert and spiritual counselor Davida Rappaport advises Bustle, “Just move on, if you find that in a moment of passion or under some other circumstance you tell your partner, “I love you!” and your partner does not tell you that they love you back.”. You could even pretend you never said anything at all if it helps you feel a little better. You’ve already told them how you feel by ignoring it, according to Rappaport. The germ has been spread. And they will promptly reply.
It’s important to keep in mind that everyone is unique when you tell someone you love them and they don’t return the sentiment. According to Boyer, “people rarely experience the same intensity of emotions at the same time. It’s likely that one person will fall in love more quickly than the other. This isn’t to say that you won’t ever have a little more invested in the relationship than your partner or that they don’t have feelings for you. Just getting a feel for things initially is crucial, for this reason.
Understand that you’ve overplayed your hand and decide what to do next, relationship expert and author April Maccario of New York tells Bustle. Whatever you do, avoid pressuring your partner to respond or making any passive-aggressive jokes about the circumstance.
Saying “I love you” and not receiving a response should not deter you from expressing yourself in the future. Love has a variety of meanings, so some people always have it on the tip of their tongue while others save it for special occasions, according to Ballatore. “How you feel about the other person and their willingness to make and uphold agreements with you are key considerations. Words are less effective than deeds. “.
You don’t have to completely let go of the situation or push your feelings aside until your partner is ready, even though it’s crucial to give them enough time to process their emotions. Manly asserts that for some people, hearing the words “I love you” is essential to feeling secure and connected in their relationship. Completely letting go of the problem will only result in pain and hostility. As an alternative, spend some time getting to know your partner and how they feel about those three special words.
“Some people freely . the landscapes of their relationships with ‘I love you’ statements, whereas others are more frugal with these same words,” Manly claims. “Some partners who are not prone to saying, ‘I love you,’ demonstrate love in various ways that are significant to them. However, some partners might still be carrying unhealed love-related wounds; for these people, saying “I love you” can trigger irrational fears of experiencing emotional suffering. Knowing more about your partner can help you get over any worries you may have about their feelings for you because everyone is different.
Moving past issues that may be bothering you is best done by practicing gratitude and reflecting on what you have. Consider your relationship with your partner in this situation. What did they do to make you feel loved? What made you fall in love with them? “If your partner has a good explanation for not saying ‘I love you,’ the issue can become inconsequential,” Manly advises. “For instance, it might feel okay to ignore an ‘I love you’ from a partner who displays a lot of affection through deeds of kindness and physical display. The words “I love you” are permanently imprinted on the daily experiences of partners who share a heartfelt connection. “.
It’s important to respect your partner’s feelings after you and your partner have spoken and you have more information about the reasons behind their silence. Don’t try to force or change them if you’re with someone who will find it difficult to say those words.
Honoring your own emotions is essential, though. After giving someone some time, you may want to think about whether this is the right person for you if you depend on hearing “I love you” to feel secure in the relationship. Trust that the person you can love most will be able to appreciate your unique brand of love, as Dr. Manly advises. “.
