Even if you and your partner are a match in 101 other ways, it is still possible for you to have different financial goals. It’s acceptable that not everyone is an expert with money. However, lingering issues can strain your relationship quickly and even presage future issues. Fortunately, there are ways to determine how bad is too bad and how many problems are too many, and you don’t need to hire a detective to do so.
Apparently, Tina B. Tessina, PhD, or “Dr. It’s possible for couples to engage in “financial infidelity,” according to psychotherapist and author of How to be Happy Partners: Working it out Together, Dr. Romance. This occurs when “they haven’t established good communication, they’re trying to avoid conflict, or they are out of control and don’t want to admit it,” she tells Bustle.
Tessina claims that ongoing financial issues may be a sign that your partner doesn’t value you and lacks self control. Even though most people don’t take it as seriously, it can be just as harmful as infidelity in the sexual sense, she claims. Here are some warning signs regarding relationships and money that you should be aware of because the sooner you do so, the better.
They Keep Their Financial Activities Private.
Your significant other may become hostile when you bring up the receipt(s) you found for a purchase they made. Normally, you wouldn’t care, but you and your partner are both saving money for a significant vacation, and this purchase depleted the fund.
The issue here is not so much that your partner secretly spent money as it is that they stole money from a joint savings account and then lied about it, as neither of these actions bodes well for the future.
According to Tessina, unrestrained spending, lying, and hiding finances can ruin a relationship, so this is a problem you should address, perhaps by going to counseling together.
From you, they conceal their debt.
Student loan debt is a problem for a lot of people, but it is not the only issue. If your partner downplays or lies about having debt, especially if you intend to get married and the debt will then become yours, it should raise red flags.
In that case, Tessina asserts, both the debt and the lying become problematic, and it might even be a sign that your partner is denial. To start fixing the debt and save your marriage, she advises seeking relationship counseling as well as debt counseling.
There is an issue with their credit cards.
Another tale: A friend of mine’s partner developed a credit card addiction to the point where their children’s needs, like school supplies, began to fall by the wayside in favor of her compulsive shopping. Unless she cut up all of her credit cards and sought financial advice, he threatened to divorce her.
Be aware that it’s a slippery slope if you find yourself in a situation similar to this one. Tessina advises that in order to address the underlying causes of your partner’s excessive spending before things spiral out of control, you should suggest that they seek money management advice or visit a therapist.
Budgets Are Hard For Them To Follow.
Even though you may have learned wise financial practices, your partner might not have. So, if it is obvious that they are unable to adhere to a budget, schedule a time to discuss money and determine whether it is something you can both work on.
Though it might be challenging at first, Brianna McGurran, a student loans and personal finance expert at NerdWallet, tells Bustle that “supporting each other while building a budget could help you reach your financial goals faster, and can even bring you closer together.”.
Making a 50/30/20 budget is one place to start. It recommends allocating no more than 50% of your post-tax income to necessities, no more than 30% to wants, and at least 20% to savings and debt repayment, according to McGurran. If that seems difficult right now, start by making small adjustments, such as lowering your cable bill. “.
They fail to pay their bills on time.
Even though everyone makes mistakes and runs into financial difficulties occasionally, you should pay attention if your partner consistently pays their bills late, especially if they don’t seem to notice or care.
The fact that this affects both of you financially and that your partner isn’t taking into account how their bad habits affect the relationship should raise even more red flags if you share a home.
No investments or savings exist for them.
If your significant other has no savings at all and doesn’t even mention investments, it’s cause for concern.
According to McGurran, if you have any future plans to live together or purchase a home, their inability or lack of desire to save money may have an impact on you. So, discuss developing better money management skills with them. For example, suggest that they put some of their pay into a savings account or ask their employer about 401(k) contributions.
They are in poor credit.
Although bad credit in and of itself does not have to be a dealbreaker, if your partner has a lot of other financial red flags, you may want to take this one more seriously.
If one day you want to rent a place or buy a house with your partner but their bad credit prevents you from doing so, McGurran warns, “[it] could affect you.”. Therefore, you might want to recommend a strategy to support their debt repayment and start improving their credit score. After all, you can work together to solve your financial issues.
