There are specific things that we all do on those crucial first few dates that slightly skew the odds in our favor. And there are small things that the person we’re out on a date with can do that strangely speak disproportionately loudly to our overall impression of them; a gesture, a comment, or even just the way they carry themselves.
These are only small glimmers into our deeper undercurrent of craziness, and if you don’t know what you’re looking for, you might miss them. So, in an effort to better inform ourselves, I asked some of my girlfriends what the biggest warning signs are that indicate a relationship is not going to last—even after just a few dates.
“Once, after flirting with me for some time, a guy from work invited me out to a nice dinner. We actually got along great and were having a blast, but when the bill came, he broke it down item by item and insisted that I pay an extra $4 because my cocktail was more expensive than his beer. It completely detracted from the sexiness of the evening because it was so crazy and intricate. I’m sorry, but it’s not a matter of gender when you invite someone out; at the very least, you should offer to pay.
” — Andrea.
“There are a few things, in my opinion, that really indicate that the guy is not suitable for a romantic relationship. Here are a few I’ve discovered in my pursuit of love:.
No, if he makes an oddly angry comment about the ex during the initial dates. Because doing so implies that he is still resentful, and also because who brings up an ex at such a young age?
If he makes an odd, even joking, criticism about your appearance.
If you notice that he frequently talks about his “bros” or if you get the impression that he only hangs out with groups of seven guys.
If he says something like, “Women are this” or “Women do that. It’s informal misogyny, but as the relationship progresses, it will become much less informal.
if he chooses a mild domestic beer. ” – Sarah.
“Back in college, when I was dating this guy (i.e., back when I didn’t know about feminism and had really low self-esteem), he told me on our second date that he really “liked his girl to stay in shape and keep it neat down there,” and the insecure 19-year-old me was like, “omg I expect the same from myself. And of course he turned out to be a controlling jerk who made me feel awful all the time. Like how much more pitiful could I have been, by the way. And not to be petty, but he certainly didn’t keep himself in perfect shape either,” said Clara.
On the first date or so, anyone who cracks a “politically incorrect” joke should really leave. It’s more about “Why does the best version of yourself that you’re trying to present on a date think that racist jokes are funny and charming?” rather than “I’m offended at this joke,” says Ella.
“If they are extremely inebriated on the first date.
” – Nicky.
“I think it obviously varies from person to person, but I’ve always found that people who moan excessively about ex-partners or dating in general are not good for relationships. It’s common to say, “Yeah, I’ve had a hard time with dating,” but it’s not healthy when people become overly consumed by their resentments of the dating scene. Maybe the issue was you, if you’re complaining about ten different people in one conversation, suggested Molly.
A “douchebag first date look” is one that never goes well. It occurs when the guy sports gelled hair and pairs dark-wash jeans with square-toed black shoes and a button-down shirt that is striped, dark in color, and frequently slightly shiny. In that outfit, it’s just always a dummy and a douchebag.
” – Naomi.
“It’s definitely a red flag if a guy talks about how much money he makes, or even worse, tries to hint at it in a totally transparent, humblebraggy way. That kind of guy will never make a good partner because they base their worth on how much money they have in the bank.
” – Sam.
“I once went out on a date with this girl, and right away we got into a fight about politics. We seemed to be in agreement on the majority of issues, and I am a huge liberal, so I think we were, but I guess I wasn’t far enough to the left for her, and so she started acting strangely and pushy about it. In addition, I thought she was very attractive at the time, so I just kind of went along with it. But our entire relationship was ultimately defined by her yelling at me over my politics and the fact that I wasn’t “involved” enough in them for her taste.
” – Alex.
“Anyone who really tries to get physical with you on the first date even though it is obvious that you are not ready for it should not get a second date, let alone a relationship. When I say “trying to guilt you into putting out or attempting three times in a row despite getting shot down to take you home for the night,” I don’t mean that they are trying to force themselves on you. It’s just not a good sign when someone is trying so hard to push your sexual boundaries, even if they eventually give up.
” – Ana.
“Smells a little funky, too much perfume, or too much cologne. Any kind of strong odor should never be permitted on a date.
” – Julie.
“I think a big indicator of how they will be in a relationship is how much they talk vs. listen on the date. It’s not always easy to notice, though. When you’re both nervous, one of you might speak more than usual, but you can probably still tell how much the other person is letting them speak. However, it’s also not good if they are too quiet; you need to strike a good balance right away or things are probably not going to improve over time.
I used to think that a guy who talked a lot was really interesting and smart, and guys who talked almost never were reflective and good listeners. However, both of these characteristics of the guys turned out to be bad in the long run, and they only grew stronger over time. ” – Jamie.
“Remove yourself from the situation if he refers to his mother as a current or former girlfriend. No. Mommy. Issues.
” — Olivia.
“Somehow I have ended up going on a lot of dates with guys who were really conceited about where they went to school, and every time I continued dating one of those guys, it was a mess. If you really boast about your education, you probably aren’t dating material (unless you also attended Yale or some other prestigious institution).
“— Amanda.
Watch out for guys who expect you to laugh at their jokes but only really respond with a “heh” or “hmm” to yours. It is a HUGE personality indicator for the relationship, despite the fact that it can be quite subtle. ” -Leila.
