Even though it’s not always simple to tell if someone is toxic to be around right away, over time, you can learn a lot about them based on their body language, what they say, and general vibe. If something seems “off,” trust your instinct, whether it’s with a potential date, a mystifying neighbor, or even a random stranger on the street.
This is especially true if the other person is manipulative, which may cause you to perceive them as potentially dangerous or cause you to recognize when you are being taken advantage of. Then, even if they try to reassure you that nothing is wrong, err on the side of caution and make an effort to leave the area as soon as you can.
“Try not to backtrack on it,” advises Nicole Issa, Psy., if you feel like you need to leave someone or end a relationship.
D.
, a certified psychologist, explains to Bustle. Whenever you feel a need for assistance, turn to a friend or a higher authority.
Of course, not everyone who exudes a “creepy” aura poses a threat. But if you spot even one of the red flags that someone is unreliable, stop to think about who this person is and whether they have your best interests at heart.
They disregard your physical boundaries.
Consider it a huge red flag if someone is disregarding your boundaries. Amica Graber, a relationship expert for the background checking website TruthFinder, tells Bustle that some examples include standing too close to you (and following if you step further away), refusing to take no for an answer, or even “innocent” activities like tickling you when you’ve asked [them] to stop.
According to Graber, dangerous people may carry out these actions as a means of testing you to see if you are capable of progressing further, while some people simply don’t know how to take a hint.
They keep their gaze fixed on you.
When it comes to manipulative individuals, consider sociopaths, narcissists, etc. — many have a propensity for keeping a close eye on others. They won’t look away right away if you happen to make eye contact. They’ll continue to make that direct eye contact instead.
According to Patti Wood, MA, a body language expert, “they look at their target with [a] focused, intense gaze,” typically as a way to test boundaries. “To see how the target reacts, they might say or do something unsettling just before or after the hypnotic gaze. “.
Try breaking eye contact or moving away to see how they respond, advises Wood, to determine whether the situation actually is unsafe. Your intuition was likely correct if they become upset or if you experience a great deal of relief.
In the conversation, they are dominant.
In contrast to those who simply enjoy talking, manipulators will attempt to control entire conversations. According to Wood, “this ‘over talking’ involves auditory space invasion and other paralinguistic factors that show they are in control.”. It might be hypnotic to listen to them because they are frequently endearing and skilled storytellers. If you give them attention, they’ll probably continue doing it.
Because of this, being a talkative attention-seeker who enjoys controlling conversations is another indicator of someone’s unreliability. These people can never get enough of your time or attention, according to Shannon Gunnip, LMHC, BC-TMH, a licensed mental health counselor. They might use dramatic or extravagant language or actions to shock you or maintain your interest, she warns. “They’ll persist more if you pay them more attention. Because they will emotionally drain you without returning any positive energy, this kind of person might not be reliable. “.
Their Mood Alters Rapidly.
When interacting with others, be alert for abrupt mood swings because narcissists frequently exhibit extreme anger when things don’t go their way. They can instantly alter all of their nonverbal behaviors, according to Wood, and change who they are. “.
This may involve changing moods from being incredibly sweet to being incredibly irritated, and back again. Or, according to Wood, they might change completely into a different “character” to achieve their goals. You might not even be aware of it until the person has already sucked you in because it can be so deceptive. So pay attention to how someone behaves when they don’t get their way. You might want to avoid them if you witness them changing into someone entirely new.
They appear unrelated.
The same is true for eye contact that appears strangely disjointed, just as intense eye contact can be a warning sign. This is especially true, according to Wood, if you’d describe the person as being “dead behind the eyes,” as this is a characteristic shared by sociopaths and narcissists.
The ability to make eye contact is not a skill that everyone possesses, but if you’re getting other unsettling vibes, add this to the list of possible indicators that it might be best to end the conversation and leave.
They Discreetly Open Up.
According to psychotherapist Dr. Laura Dabney, M.D., if you’ve just met someone and they’re already exposing all of their secrets, there’s a chance they’re not reliable or stable. , according to Bustle. It can easily spiral out of control in addition to displaying a lack of boundaries.
In general, it could be a sign that someone lacks complete self-control if they are willing to heap all of that on you right away after meeting them. Being trustworthy of others is one thing. However, it can quickly become emotionally taxing if this person views you as a channel through which they can vent all of their problems. Consider it a red flag, at the very least.
They Say Rude Things.
You probably won’t want to spend much time with someone who is rude. And that’s a wise decision given that it frequently indicates more serious issues.
According to Adamaris Mendoza, LPC, MA, a licensed psychotherapist and relationship coach, “potentially dangerous people frequently turn to belittling others in order to manipulate them.”. Therefore, pay attention if this person is unsettling you or those around you.
The goal of their actions, according to Mendoza, is to make the other person (their intended victim) feel unworthy. “They may choose to make fun of your appearance, your physical appearance, your goals, your friends, your job, or your dreams. “.
Again, it can be challenging to recognize because it is so manipulative. But you can be safer by being aware of the warning signs and being aware of some of the ruses employed by dishonest people.
They are well-versed beyond their station.
If you go on a date and the other person is already aware of your place of employment, educational background, etc. even if they make an effort to act as though it’s “normal to look people up,” don’t dismiss it. “.
Yes, it is customary to quickly check someone out before spending the evening with them. But according to Issa, “if someone starts telling you about information that probably showed up on, say, page five of your [search] results, this could be a sign that [it] went beyond the norm and crossed over into stalking. “.
Don’t be afraid to contact authorities if what they’re saying disturbs you. If you’re going to a restaurant, you can also approach the server or bartender and ask for assistance.
They Move Rather Quickly.
It’s simple to take it as a compliment if your new relationship with someone seems to be growing quickly. However, as Issa notes, “often, people who are likely to harm others will sweep in quickly and forcefully and try to foster a sense of false trust. Take a step back if everything seems hurried or too good to be true.
This person might be a risk-taker who enjoys the novel and novel.
They frequently act rashly, according to Gunnip. “A risk-taker might not be a reliable person because they might put you in circumstances that test your limits. There’s a chance that this kind of relationship might develop into something emotionally intense and unstable.
