Shame on you if you mislead me just once; shame on me if you mislead me twice. In my early years, I frequently heard that adage. After a few months of instant messaging, if a boy made fun of me, they got blocked so quickly they couldn’t even type “LMAO,” so if a friend was quick to leave me out, well, that was their loss. Everyone from my mother to my third-grade teacher quickly taught me how to handle disloyalty, but I was never really shown how to foster loyalty in my relationships in the first place.
Because of a few bad friendships I had early in life, I have never been one to place a lot of trust in nature. I simply shrugged and told myself I should have known better when I was 16 and my band-camp boyfriend cheated on me. I was quick to snort in a guy’s face and correct him in college if he said, “It’s not you, it’s me.”. As a matter of course, I assumed that everyone would turn on or desert me.
I therefore spent the first few months of dating my partner on the alert, looking for any indications of fight or flight. I was so certain that the slightest sign of incompatibility would cause them to flee, but that day never materialized. And over time, they showed me how to genuinely establish a foundation of loyalty in a partnership: it begins with having the capacity to trust not only your partner but also yourself.
Develop an empathy for others.
Don’t express sympathy when your partner is going through a difficult time. Try to comprehend where their pain is coming from rather than just reacting sympathetically and feeling bad for them.
Relationship expert Dr. Gary Brown tells Bustle that two essential elements to the practice of empathy are “the active practice of being able to emotionally walk in someone else’s shoes, as well as to perform acts of service for them.”. “This is among the most crucial elements in developing love and loyalty. You’ll show your partner that their problems are now also your problems by shouldering that burden with them, and you’ll also build trust by showing that you understand.
Learn to Listen Actively.
Between hearing what someone is saying and paying attention to what they are saying, there is a clear distinction. Before responding to your partner’s comments, consider each sentence and each point. “Our partner will probably feel more loved when they know that we are actually listening and understanding what they are saying — verbally and non-verbally,” says Dr. Dot Brown. Nothing compares to the satisfaction of understanding who we are. “.
As a result of having a deeper understanding of their perspective, you will be able to have an insightful conversation with them. They will then be there to do the same the next time you need to talk something out.
Include them.
When decisions only concern you, it’s simple to act hastily, but when you’re in a relationship, you have to take the feelings of the other person into account. Talk it over with your partner first before making a major career or life decision.
They will appreciate being included in the discussion, and it will show that you respect their time, space, and loyalty, even if you have to come to a conclusion on your own in the end. It’s crucial to consider what your partner might want or need when thinking about making decisions, advises Dr. Brown.
“Considering your partner’s needs is just another way to demonstrate your concern for them. There is no harm in including them in your decision-making, even if they are not the primary factor.
Share your experiences.
A great way to strengthen your relationship with your partner is to learn a new skill, try something for the first time, or go on a trip, visit a new location, or engage in an artistic endeavor together. According to Dr. Brown, creating a history of shared experiences is one of the more enjoyable aspects of relationships. Part of that feeling of happiness and security will be connected to you whenever your partner reflects on the shared adventure. It is a level of comprehension from which loyalty is derived.
Express yourself clearly.
Although there are significant differences between lying to your partner and withholding the truth, both forms of dishonesty involve keeping secrets. When your thoughts, feelings, and fears first arise, share them with your partner to prevent mistrust and little-white lies from building up into a mountain. According to Dr. Dot Brown, “one of the dynamics I see in so many couples is the challenge it appears to be for them to communicate their hopes.”. It’s acceptable if initial clarity is lacking. Be patient with one another. It’s crucial to understand that bravery and vulnerability are prerequisites for effective communication. “Your openness will always pay off in the long run, even if they don’t comprehend it right away.
Prioritize them.
Even if your partner is not the most significant person in your life, when you completely open yourself to someone, they unintentionally become a priority; you want to safeguard and maintain that connection. So if someone matters to you that much, show them! “One of the easiest and most powerful things you can do to make your partner feel like they are a priority is to ask them the following question: What can I do to help make your day go a little bit better?” says Dr. Brown. This is so that we can show our partner that we care by prioritizing their needs and happiness. Remind them of your appreciation for them, choose to spend time with them when you can, and give them encouragement as they pursue their own goals. Someone will show their loyalty to you if they feel comfortable enough with you to be vulnerable around them.
Set up thoughtful surprises.
As a general rule, surprises are not always a good thing. Always remember to respect your partner’s time and space. The next time you go over to your partner’s house, bring their favorite snack food. But once those boundaries are defined, doing random acts of kindness for those you love, and witnessing the joy that they bring about, can be extremely gratifying. Grab them a gift if you see something in a store window that reminds you of them.
Dr. Brown says, “I was at the grocery store the other day. “Just before paying, I spotted some daffodils in the flower section and purchased a few dozen for my wife. This is one of the small things I do to show her that I love and think of her because I know how much she enjoys them at this time of year. It takes a series of these tiny little things to consistently win her loyalty over time. “.
Small, thoughtful gestures that are planned without expecting anything in return can build trust and loyalty between people.
Loyalty need not entail grand gestures, caveats, prioritizing your partner over other people, or even the absence of infidelity. The small gestures that one makes because they know they will mean the world to their partner are the hallmarks of loyalty.
